I was Selfish Today

This is a super belated post, but I hate to miss the chance to self-depreciate in the name of honestly and solidarity. This is pre-Halloween, folks! Sorry, I have been too busy with photography to breath, but this might be worth resusitating.


I find it ironic that my last post was about this perfectly happy day because today I was immature and I ruined this morning for my family. Here's a true story for you, because the world does not need another mom blogger pretending to be perfect (although I love many and gobble them up. Nom, nom, nom). 

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A reasonable request: please take ten good pictures of me while we are at the farm. That was the start of the day. I actually showered and washed out an unsavory amount of dry shampoo, contoured like a Kardashian, sliced trendy holes in my jeans, and destroyed the evidence of my curly hair. We headed out the door ready to take on the pumpkin patch.

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As soon as we climbed out of the car, I knew there was trouble in the air. It was so hot. It was a kind of stifling, sunny, humid heat. The atmosphere settled on my spirit and made me feel a *little* crazy.

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Thinking only of myself (although at the time I felt justified) I told Jeff that once he got a handful of good pictures of me then I could put away my camera and lay low. Jeff acquiesced and I climbed in a pile of heirloom pumpkins with my baby. People walked right in front of Jeff despite the many other piles of pumpkins and my embarrassment grew like my increasingly frizzy hair. 

 Hahaha, this is stupid!

Hahaha, this is stupid!

After a few unsuccessful minutes, my insecurity crumbled into resentment and shot at Jeff, holding my 5d mark iii like a target. "I take hundreds of pictures of you with the kids and I just want ten!" I am embarrassed for myself. Jeff just stood there bewildered, like, isn't that exactly what I am doing? 

I share all this because I could have posted these pictures with zero context: "I just love October! I live for family time at the farm picking pumpkins!" but that would not be true. I ruined the pumpkin patch today because I was selfish and worked against the flow. 

My husband is a holy saint. I apologized on the spot and put the camera away. The rest of the time was as good as a crowded, sweaty pumpkin patch can be. 

My job is to create impressive images, but the behind the scenes is not always impressive. Take this as a cautionary tale: good photography is emotional and misleading. Ask any of my clients how they felt when I asked them to shake their hair, squat in the bushes, tickle each other, "pump a little laugh in their eyes", whisper something stupid, or any of the other nonsensical tactics I have to bring out personality. They probably felt exploited, haha! I am a forthcoming gal, so at least I tell you, but don't look at a picture and think, "Wow, I wish I was that happy eating a salad." Because many bloggers are just fake laughing and it looks awesome. 

For the record, I will keep laughing at my salad. I know what's good for me.

This is not to discredit all good content. A lot of real moments happen. Just realize

  1.  Not everything is as it seems
  2. That can be you, with your life exactly as it is now

Sometime soon I will do a round-up of my favorite photography tricks and a posing guide of sorts (if you want--feel free to let me know what you would like to know). I know I am veering off the path kind of drastically, but I do feel these things are connected. 

Okay, have an amazing week, my friends, and cut yourself some slack today. :)